"The most precious jewels you'll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children."
It may be selfish of me to loathe the thought of my daughter growing up so quickly, but surely, I am not the only one?! I miss her newborn smell, the way she would fall fast asleep in my arms and of course the endless cuddles and kisses. In all honesty, I still get lots of cuddles and kisses, fortunately for me my daughter is a very loving little girl. She is very empathetic and enjoys making others feel better. I love everything there is to love about her, but for as long as I can remember I have always had such bittersweet feelings of her growing up so quickly. When she is tucked away in bed fast asleep, I look at her in admiration, amazed that I created this tiny little human. Once in bed, I spend ages looking at old pictures of her and videos reminiscing of times when she had no teeth, couldn't give me any attitude and was very easy to please! Ah, those were the days.
Sadly, I have to accept that she is growing up so fast (way too fast in my opinion, but hey who am I to question God?!) - It is evident every single day with the things she says and her actions; she has always been very independent, for as long as I can remember, but now she says, "I can do it Mummy. I'm an expert." It melts my heart, makes me so proud, but also makes me feel as if I am no longer needed at times. However, she soon reminds me that this is not the case, when she curls up next to me as I am writing away or working on a project.
I am always happy when she learns new skills or new words and applies them in sentences correctly. I have always been so very proud of her as she has hit each milestone knowing that this is just the beginning and there are so many other milestones for her to reach. I am grateful that we will get to experience them together. I look forward to days where she will come home from school telling me all about her day, but at the same time I am already sure that I will miss having my little companion with me throughout the day.
This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I guess I feel it more because I have been raising her single handed. I never actually realised how difficult it would be to give her to strangers, then leave going about my day. My plan was not to send her to nursery and I am glad I stuck to that for the most part, just because I wanted to give her the best start in life and I felt that she would benefit more from being with me rather than in a setting at the time.
I knew the day would come of course, when Bella would have to go to school, but it seems to have arrived slightly earlier than anticipated! Bella did actually join a nursery for a few weeks in preparation for school, but that was for a few hours twice a week. I missed her very much of course, but it did not seem as it does now because I knew I would be reunited with her after a few hours. School is a whole new chapter, a whole new experience and as I said, I am eager for her to learn new skills, to make new friends and to continue to develop into an amazing little star.
I love our bond, I love that she has me and I love that I have her. Despite the circumstances, she is a constant reminder that I am doing a really good job. Sometimes it is all we need as mothers, a little reassurance to help us to feel better. We won't always hear it from someone else, we may not hear it at all, but our perfect reminder will always be our children. Their first school will always be the one within our homes, we teach them a lot of things that will stay with them throughout their lives and even when we are not always with them, our many lessons will be embedded in their hearts forever. This gives me peace, I know I have done my very best with Bella so far and although this whole school thing is new to me (as a mother), Bella is very excited to attend school. I mentioned on my Instagram last week that I am confident in my choice for her school, it is an Outstanding school and that is exactly what I wanted. Somewhere with positive feedback, excellent resources and good teachers. I am confident that she will continue to thrive in this setting.
Motherhood was never going to be an easy task for me, I was so naïve to think that it would have been, but it literally just goes to show that you should never judge a book by its cover! I am happy that school is happening now because it will give me a lot of time to prepare for other chapters in her life. There are so many other stages and things for her to experience, but I am always praying for her and praying that with every new experience she encounters that God will continue to protect her, always and forever.
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