I touched on this topic with my latest Instagram post regarding Independent Mothers and broken households. I have had the privilege of interacting with so many Independent Mothers worldwide and it is lovely to know that we all have some great things in common. On the other hand, another thing we have in common was that we have encountered one or two people who had their own misconceptions regarding Independent Mothers. I am exceptionally skilled at drowning out negativity, I class it as noise. I know who I am, and I know exactly what God says I am, so people’s opinions of me as a Independent woman and mother will never move me.
I can understand why some people hold the idea that children should be raised by both parents because from the beginning of time there was man (Adam) and then there was woman (Eve). God did not create the man to be alone, hence why He later gave Adam a help mate. Nuclear families have existed for extensive periods of time and the nuclear family was seen as one of the most dominant types of family within society at some point. Then there have been unfortunate circumstances where some of these nuclear families have ceased to exist because of death, amongst other sad scenarios resulting in the woman becoming a widow (men can also become widowers). When that mother becomes a widow, some may have held the view that she would struggle and therefore her children would face the same fate throughout life, this may have been the case in the past, but nowadays there are so many ground-breaking systems in place to aid the Independent Mother and her family. We are not stuck in the stone ages, we are in a modern era where help should be accessible to us.
Independent households and in particular Independent Mothers have been around for many years, as stated on my Instagram post – Independent Motherhood is not a new thing. You even get fathers too raising their children by themselves. I believe that placing a child in the right environment and giving that child enough love, attention and support will help that child to grow and flourish. Correcting the child from youth will instil good morals and values. Teaching them new things will also help them to acquire the skills and gain the knowledge necessary to succeed in life and aid them in finding their place in the world as they become adults. You do not necessarily need to have two parents to raise a child, although it would be easier, but the reality of this is sometimes for whatever reason, it is just not possible.
Many Independent Mothers are looked at as if they are less than or as if being an Independent Mother is infectious and I have not got the faintest idea why this is. I find that a lot of it is down to sheer ignorance because being an Independent Mother can happen to anyone. It is sadly just one of those things. I refuse to have anyone telling me that my daughter will not be able to do certain things in life because she did not have her father in her life as she grew up. That was his choice, but I am counteracting everything that he is not doing, by stepping up and ensuring that I am giving her the best possible start in life. I cannot afford to fail her because she only has me as a parent. If I fail as a parent, then I fail my daughter and that will never happen.
Some may argue that my daughter’s dad will teach her certain things that I possibly cannot teach her, but what I would say in response to that is that God is equipping me with all the skills I need to ensure that my daughter has a fantastic start in life. Where I may fall short, I always ask God to step in. In fact, He is helping me to raise my daughter because without Him we would not have got this far. God does not ever give anyone more than they can handle, He gives everyone what they can manage, and my daughter was sent to me at just the right time in my life. She came to me and helped me to turn my life around by rediscovering my purpose. Therefore, I owe it to her and God to ensure that I am always ten steps ahead of my game as a woman and a mother.
I believe that once you have that confidence as a mother you will ensure that your children are always thriving. You understand the importance of being great because when your children see you being great it will rub off on them. Your attitude, your words, your etiquette, your ethic; these are all things that your children are taking note of. As much as I will spend time playing around with my daughter and engaging in fun times with her, I am very serious when it comes down to my work and my role in her life. I have always understood that I have a purpose, but it has become crystal clear exactly what my purpose is. I know that as a Mother I hold her future in my hands, (ultimately God knows everything about her and her future) I have the ability to carefully mould her into who God has ordained her to be. I see so many amazing characteristics in her; she is very much so a mixture of her father and I. She is independent, strong-willed, fearless, articulate and an excellent communicator, therefore as her mother and nurturer it is my job to prune her and bring out the best in her, always. I tap into her skills and help her with what she is good at and areas where she may be struggling, I sit down and work out ways that I can enable her to overcome.
In our household we try, we try again and again until we are able to say, “YES! I did it!” I have always been Independent, and I have this mentality where I can ask someone for help, but at the same time I look for ways to get the task done myself. I remember a few months ago I asked someone to help me with something rather important and they did say they would help, but it took a while to make this meeting happened. As I was waiting, I made sure that I did what I could with what I had, and it turned out brilliant for a first attempt! This is something I am teaching my daughter; to know that it is fine to ask for help because I am her mother and I always want to help her in any way that I can, but I also want her to know that she can also try to do things herself.
Shaping the future seems like a daunting task, but when you really sit down and think about it, you love your children and you want what is best for them, so that means you will go above and beyond to ensure that you do the best by them. Our children’s first school is the one within our homes; that is where they learn to share, they will learn to love, they will also learn to walk and hit their other milestones.
What are you teaching your children?
What do you feel you can do more of to help your children to stay on the right path?
We do not want to raise lost children; therefore, it is vital to keep on top of their education, communicate with them and spend time with them. They can only be as good as we allow them to be. Don’t be afraid to start today, start now. Your children are depending on you to shape them, their future is in your hands.
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