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Who Are Independent Mothers?

My definition of an Independent Mother is described as any mother raising her child(ren) without support from their father. Though the father is absent this mother is not afraid to take on both roles; as mum and dad. They come from all walks of life; employed, well educated, loving families, every age, every class (working, middle and upper). They are young and old, from different backgrounds and of a variety of ethnicities. Independent Mothers could have been married, now divorced, separated or widowed, abandoned whilst pregnant or before. It is important to note that becoming an independent mother is often an unwanted surprise; I mean if a lot of us could get the father of our children to be present and play a better role in their child’s life, I am sure that many of us would. Some women become independent mothers by choice either fleeing an abusive relationship or because they feel as if they would do better for their children by themselves.

An independent mother is hardworking; working tirelessly to make ends meet, dedicated, supportive and has often had to work twice as hard to ensure that her children have a happy and relatively normal upbringing. Some days she feels sad because she knows that as much as she tries it seems like she will not be able to do everything on her list, but still she perseveres. She often wishes that the father of her child would sort himself out and realise what a great blessing he is missing out on, but she knows that in reality that may never happen. So she expects little and continues to do her very best.

When she has had a long, difficult day at work, she wants nothing more than to head home to her child(ren) where she can be showered with endless cuddles, wet kisses and talk of how their day went. She is tired, but she still prepares dinner, prepares her child(ren) for bed and then she reads them a bedtime story. Despite her mood and how low she may be feeling, she tries her best to never project this on to her child(ren) because she knows it is not their fault. She puts her life and soul into her child(ren) and most of all she prays constantly that her child(ren) will never end up in the same situation as her.

An independent mother may at times feel low and may need to hear a few kind words throughout her week, just to let her know that she is doing a great job. Sometimes she will hear these words from family, friends, colleagues or even strangers and at other times she may hear these words from her child(ren). When she hears these words from her child(ren) it instantly brightens up her day and continues to give her the strength she requires to continue. What is special about an independent mother is that even though her heart was and still may be breaking, she picks herself up time and time again proving that she is resilient. She does not feel the need to prove to others that she is tough, this shows from her work ethic, her morals and the way in which she chooses to mother; love and care for her children.

She has bad days and she has good days, just like everyone else. She has days where she wants to curl up and stay in bed for a little bit longer and she has nights where she cries into her pillow, so that her child(ren) do not wake up from her sobbing. For every tear she cries, God knows why, and He counts them. He understands her pain and hopes to make it better. When she places her trust in God, she is reassured that no matter what she will face, God is in it for the long run. He will not abandon her when things go left, but instead He will go before her and help to clear the way.

God does not want to give this independent mother to anyone unless He knows they are fully capable of fulfilling their duty to not just her, but her child(ren). God knows that this independent mother has been through so much and He does not want her to endure anymore pain. This is the reason why she may never get a call back from the guy she thoughts was “the one,” or she may have heard “it’s not you, it’s me,” quite a few times. They were right it is not her, it is them. God knows that her and her children are special, they deserve the very best and this is why He sets them apart. He sets them apart from the rest, so that whilst He prepares her husband she is strengthened through tests and trials.

Once this independent mother is ready to meet her future partner, God stands back and allows this union to happen. He will be proud of her for persevering and believing in Him that everything will be alright. Her child(ren) may be old enough to understand that this person is not their biological dad, but they may also understand that this person has come into their life to fulfil a role and serve a duty to them all. They shall form a solid bond, one that shall not be easily broken and through this God will stand back and marvel at His work.

Though this I would like you to understand that despite your independent mother status, you are not spoiled or unwanted goods. You are being prepared to meet the person who is going to join with you and help you to continue building a life which is pleasing unto God. In this life many make mistakes, but God does not look at you and say, “Ha! You deserve that!” Quite the opposite actually, He only wants what is best for you and some may find it difficult to believe, they will think that they have been made to suffer, but they have not. We all go through tests in this life, we all have to endure different things, but what do you learn from your tests? What changes do you make in your life once the test has been passed?

Your children are a blessing and so are you. Do not wait around specifically for a man to come thinking that he will make you feel whole, only God can do that! People come and go every single day, but the one who God has for you will stay and he will stay with you and your child(ren) with good intentions. He will do things the right way and He will love you all the right way. Even in marriage there are tests, but this one will not run, he will stay with you and work through the tests. Use your singleness and your independence to work on yourself and start creating the kind of life that God will look down on you proudly and say, “Yes, that’s MY girl!”

You were never created to be mediocre, you were created to be EXTRAORDINARY! If you do not remember anything I say, remember that please!

With Love,

Roxanne-Sasha x

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