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What Are You Seeking In A Potential Partner?

As an Independent Mother and an Independent woman, it is important for me personally to marry someone who is first and foremost a man of God who is not only someone who knows the word, but practices it also. How can a man lead his family if he does not study or follow God's word?! I need to be confident that my future husband knows God and seeks Him wholeheartedly. He must also willingly accept that my daughter and I come as a package and my daughter must also like him.

You would be surprised at the qualities, attributes and talents that other people are looking for in a potential partner. Prior to writing this post I conducted my own research and asked a few people what they are seeking in a potential partner, my findings were interesting to say the least.

One lady said she is looking for a partner "who can cook," she does not desire to spend day and night cooking in the kitchen to fulfil her role as a wife. She believes that this is a duty that should be shared equally between husband and wife. Another person stated that she is seeking a man to "have a family with," she desires a family because she missed out on experiencing family life when she was a child. Whereas another lady said she would marry a guy only if he earns a particular amount of money because she does not desire to be "broke."

It has been said that a lot of men seek women who can cook and clean and on the other hand there are some women who desire the man to be the breadwinner and fund their lifestyles. There is and should be more to relationships than the above. If an individual cannot cook, surely they can learn. Putting the shoe on the other foot, if a man is very materialistic and expects you to fund their lifestyle, is this someone you really see yourself settling with?! So, in the same way do you think it is okay to expect a man to fund your lifestyle? I am not here to judge anyone for their opinions, if you are a woman who wants a man to fund your lifestyle, then that is entirely up to you. I do not necessarily believe anyone should put you down for that choice.

However, I always believe that it is a beautiful thing to be Independent; to have your own things and to support yourself. When you work hard on yourself, to achieve your goals and to work hard generally, you can spend your money accordingly because you do not have to answer to anyone. I reflect on the Proverbs 31 woman and yes she was a very amazing woman! She was not lazy, she was a woman of noble character who aided her husband. She was always thinking of ways to utilise her skills and ensured that she looked after everyone in her household. Her husband was proud of her. I recall telling someone that I am striving to reflect similar qualities and it went completely over their head, they were almost horrified by my statement, perhaps because I am an Independent Mother and I am not married. I have realised so many people expect a woman to be what they perceive them to be. If a woman desires to run her household and raise her child(ren) a certain way (especially dare I say as an Independent Mother and Woman) some will disagree with it, but I say do what works for you! You do not need to ever fit into society's standards of who or what you should be, you are not damaged or less than because you are unmarried. Your value does not go down because you are unmarried, please let's leave that mentality in the 16th century!

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. - Proverbs 31:10-25.

I digress, having financial freedom and depending on yourself works wonders. When seeking a partner there are so many things to consider. Sometimes we have to look beyond the material things and the looks because they can be the most beautiful person in the world, but beauty fades and personality stays. You are marrying them, not their looks! It is always wise to not just focus on looks and money because this is not a permanent guarantee - yes he can buy you a diamond ring or a designer handbag, but other than that what is their personality like?

"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised." - Proverbs 31:30.

Marriage is not something to enter into lightly just for the sake of it. There are important things to consider.

Will they get along with your child(ren)?

Does this individual like child(ren)?

Are they willing to step into the role of step-parent to your child(ren)?

How do they treat their family and friends?

How do they treat people in general?

What do others have to say about them?

How do they view life, love and beyond?

What are their future plans?

Where do they see themselves in a few years time?

Don't be afraid to ask these questions because the answers will determine a lot. If you are someone who is settled and are happy with where you are in life and you meet someone who perhaps likes to travel a lot or desires to live in different countries it may not work. Similarly, if you meet someone who wants to be with you minus your child(ren) then again this will not work the way you want it too. You must ask difficult questions to get the answers you require so that you do not waste your time. Life is too short and if they are not the right person for you then that means God has something and someone better in mind for you.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it." - Ephesians 5:25.

Being prayerful helps also, it helps because you will be Spirit led and not led by emotions. Often in the past I was led primarily by feelings and emotions which looking back I find to be so embarrassing! However, we live and we learn. I embrace those past feelings and I rejoice because I have grown as a person. I will not make the same choices as before because I am much wiser. You deserve to be loved by someone who will accept everything that you are, he will also accept your child(ren) and he will love you as Christ loved the church because he will be sent to you from God.

Don't settle, daughter of the most High. God has a plan for your life. New year - new mindset - new perspective! You are not who you were a year ago, keep growing and glowing!

Be encouraged!

With Love,

Roxanne-Sasha x

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