Domestic Violence And The Independent Mother
Last week I began my series posting about support agencies where you can get assistance if you require any help. This is very important to me because a lot of Mothers may not know that certain agencies exist. This way I am sharing them with you and letting you know exactly who they are and what they do.
I wanted to talk about domestic violence today because since the world has been on lockdown there has been a significant rise in Domestic Violence. Firstly, I would like to say that if you know someone who needs assistance or maybe you are that individual please do seek emergency help. Domestic abuse is never okay and should never happen to you. I would also like you to know that it is not your fault. It is not something you did or something you said and you do not deserve to be treated in such a manner. You are a Queen, you are the prize - you deserve to be treated with love, kindness and respect.
A while ago I interviewed an amazing Independent Mother called Deborah for my magazine The Independent Mum and she shared her story about domestic abuse. It was really touching because she has been through it and she found a way out for her two daughters and for herself because she knew it needed to happen. To read Deborah's story please view this link: https://theresilientmum.co.uk/products/the-independent-mum-magazine-issue-02-digital?_pos=1&_sid=b1fa86780&_ss=r
With a lot of perpetrators they feel that they are entitled and that they have the right to treat others the way in which they do. I believe this is an internal problem that they have and they need to seek help rather than allowing their insecurities and instability to affect innocent parties. They often do not care if children are involved and in some cases may also hurt the children too. They do not care and this is why it is important that if you ever find yourself in such a situation that you find your way out immediately.
The abuse could be even for a day, but that act can last for a lifetime. When you have children you would like them to ideally have the best upbringing possible. All children should be surrounded by love and should feel happy, comfortable and secure. As Independent Mothers a lot of us desire to find love, but make sure that you are looking for love in all of the right places. Sometimes there are red flags, sometimes the person changes later on in the relationship, but before bringing any man around your children please ensure that you know him to the best of your ability. Look at how he treats others, how he talks to others and how he acts. Does he have a temper? Does he ever show any aggression? Is he possessive? Does he often swear/curse? How does he talk about his family? What was his upbringing like? What do his friends and family have to say about him? Find out as much as you can about him and although you may not know absolutely everything, ensure that you know enough and that you are confident that this man deserves a place in your life.
What is domestic violence?
Let's look at what domestic violence is because it does not just relate to physical abuse, unfortunately it is much broader than that.
1. Physical abuse; this relates to someone physically attacking you and causing you harm. Some examples include biting you, trying to choke you, hitting you, punching you, etc.
2. Sexual abuse; this relates to someone forcing you to sleep with them, touching you inapproproately, making unwanted sexual advances at you. This relates to both male and female. If someone forces you to sleep with them without your consent this is classed as rape and should be reported as soon as possible.
3. Emotional abuse; this relates to someone emotionally taunting you. Belittling you and tearing you down or making you feel as if you are not good enough. Manipulating you and accusing you of things you have not done (having an affair, lying, etc). Preventing you from going to work or from seeing your friends or family.
4. Making threats or trying to intimidate you.
Who can help?
In the first instance call the emergency services where you live and explain what is happening. Alternatively there are a number of external agencies you can speak to if you ever find yourself or a loved one in this situation. They will give free, confidential advice and they will never pressure you to do anythinf you do not want to do. They care about your well-being and the well-being of your children.
I will post a well known charity based in the UK below. I am aware that I have followers all over the world, so please keep an eye on my instagram account: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientmum/ to view the external agencies I will be posting and look out for the ones in your country also.
I hope that this post has been helpful for you. Please do share it with others as it could save a life. Thank you!