So, I was thrilled when Linzy contacted me and asked me to be on her show. It was a huge step and an absolutely fantastic opportunity which I was thrilled to be involved in because it meant I was able to continue inspiring other mothers on a different kind of platform.
The Best Education.
Choosing the right educational establishment for your child will always be something that takes a lot of careful thought and consideration. I feel that mothers should definitely do their research and find out what schools are out there. It is vital to check OFSTED reports to see how well the school is performing. I would encourage you not to send your child to a particular school to fit in with other people, but more to ensure that your child has the best start in life.
My mother and aunts often tell us the story of when one of my aunts wanted to go to a particular school and my grandad uttered these very wise words, "if you are meant to learn in school, you will learn no matter where you go." My grandad was very wise and often spoke the truth, so I would also say this to you.
There are good comprehensive schools, private schools, academies, faith schools, grammar schools and state schools, but you need to actively look at what these schools have to offer. There are so many options to choose from nowadays, but involve your child also. They may be young, but they also have an opinion. Find out what they think of each school you visit and take their opinions on board.
Speak to the teachers and really take in the school and what each room/area you visit has to offer. Do the rooms like welcoming? Are the displays bright and boasting children's work? Are the staff happy and friendly? What enrichment activities do these schools have to offer your children? There are so many things to think about, but make a list of questions and do not be afraid to ask them, after all this is your child's future.
Video Games and Violence.
In short, it is always important to know what your children are watching or playing on their game consoles. Of course, as mentioned it can become tricky when your children reach a certain age because they may be able to access these resources which are not age appropriate from various sources; friends, family members and so forth.
It is always a good idea to sit down with your children and have open conversations with them telling them what you expect from them and what you do not expect from them. Do your best to let them know that certain materials are not for them because of the content and you would appreciate them refraining from accessing such resources until they have reached a certain age.
What the above should do is set a boundary in place to inform your child that you are aware of certain materials, you do not want your child to access them at all and you are trusting them to not go against what you have forbidden them to do. This gives them a sense of independence knowing that although they can possibly access these resources they know within themselves that it would not be something you would like them to do, so they may well refrain from doing this.
You could even take them to a store and pick up some age appropriate resources for them to show that you are willing to work with them so long as they respect your boundaries and do not overstep them. I think it is really good to have a solid parent-child relationship where your child(ren) can approach you and discuss certain things without being fearful.
I do believe some games cause violence because of the content, but I also know of certain games, i.e The Sims which is a family game. It is a life stimulation game where the player can create characters and even a family then be able to control these characters making them how they want them to be. They can have eccentric personalities or studious personalities. Having been a BIG Sims fan since the age of 8 I have found that The Sims is a very good way to escape from reality and sometimes let your hair down whilst creating your own little world. It is also important for me to mention that The Sims is VERY addictive and if you are not careful you will sit there playing The Sims for hours on end!
Please also remember that you are human and if your child has been accessing certain materials, you can only do your best to speak to them, establish why and work on preventing it from happening again. As mothers we will all realise that sometimes our children may do things we disapprove of, but it is very important to try to not be hard on ourselves or our children. I find at times communication is a very powerful tool and should be used in all situations.
Just Like My Mother
I see a few similarities in my style of parenting and my mothers. As mentioned on the DKW show, my mother was extremely overprotective of me growing up and I was not always allowed to go to friends’ houses or even sleepovers until I was a teenager. Even up until this day where I live by myself, she calls me to check up on me every day - it does not bother me at all because I understand that she must do it so that she feels better. If I do not hear from her for a whole day, I check up on her too, so yes, it is very natural, and it shows your care. There is nothing wrong with showing someone you love that you care about them. She often says because most of my brothers and I have moved out that she likes to know that we are okay as she cannot sleep otherwise.
It is so funny because when I leave my daughter with my mother, I miss her constantly and I bombard my mother with texts asking if she is okay, if she has had her milk, if she is sleeping and so forth. It is natural as mothers to always worry or think about your child when you are not with them and even when you are with them. I know that my daughter is fine when she is with my mother as she loves her "nanny" very much, but I will always want to know that she is doing okay. I guess that is why they say, "a mother's love is like none other."
I would hope that as my daughter grows up I would not be as over-protective of her and that I would try my best to give her, her space, but still have that close bond with her and relationship where she can come and talk to me about anything. I would say that growing up my mother was not approachable at all, but that is because we never always understood my mother and why she was so strict, but as my brothers and I have become adults we understand her a lot better. It was not the case that she did not want us to have fun, but she believed in putting boundaries in place so that we would grow up to respect her and others, have morals, standards and be well mannered members of society.
I always thank my mother for how much time she has invested in us because she made sure that she did not ever let us go without. My mother made sure that we were all happy and I will always appreciate her for that. She ensured that she got a well-paid, well established job, so that she could supply our every need. So, like my mother I always make sure that I am on top of my game because I never want my daughter to look back at her photographs or videos and feel sad. It is not just about materialistic things because materialistic things often get pushed to the side once they become old, but it is more for me about showing her love, being there for her. Going out of my way to listen to her, to provide for her and to ensure that she has the best education possible. I will always invest in her as my mother did with me because I only want to see my daughter succeed - and she will!
I would definitely encourage mothers to build a strong relationship with their children, do activities with them, take them out to the cinema, to a sports game or whatever they are interested in. If they require space, do not be so pushy and allow them to have their space, but let them know that you are going to be there for them no matter what. When they are ready to talk they will speak to you. Get to know their friends and who they are surrounding themselves with. Communicate with them and actually listen to what they are saying to you because a lot of the time some parents speak more than they listen, out of habit. I think eating together is also very important, we have a family dinner every Sunday and for every special occasion because it is intimate, and we like to spend it together being surrounded by our loved ones. Family time is very important to my family and I, especially because we have lost a few loved ones along the way, but they would always enjoy family time too. In general, being the best mother that you can be for your children will always be the greatest thing you can do for them - as they will always appreciate the time you have spent dedicating to them and bettering yourself.
Everyone has a different relationship with their parents, I know of some people who have excellent relationships with their parents and I have encountered some who do not speak to either of their parents because of situations or past experiences with them. If you have had a toxic relationship with your parents, then if you require counselling I would strongly recommend it so that you can move on and begin to rebuild your life. It is important to remember that your parents chose to have you for a reason, you have purpose and despite your relationship with your mother, if you put your mind to it you can achieve greatness.
If your relationship with your mother is a difficult one, perhaps you could try to talk to her and express your feelings, so that she knows how you feel. If you find that it makes no difference, then you must do what is going to make you happy. There is certainly no point in staying in toxic relationships or ones that cause you to feel distressed. It is nice to know that you have done your part in trying to make it work, but when you have done all that you can and feel that you cannot do anymore, then that is when you give it over to God and let Him do one of the many things that He is designed to do.
I loved my time working with Linzy, Alafair, Serlina and the rest of the crew. It was nice to see what happens behind the scenes and to be able to have my say about certain topics.
If you missed any of the shows, then feel free to catch them here:
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